Nazis at the Center of the Earth (2012) - High Cheese Factor-athon Film #3

On the Menu: NAZIS AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH (2012)

Ingredients: Jake Busey, Dominique Swain, Josh Allen, Christopher K. Johnson, James Maxwell, Lilan Bowden, Marlene Okner, Maria Pallas, Abderrahim Halaimia and Trevor Kuhn. Directed by Joseph J. Lawson. Run time: 89 minutes. Rated: R.

At First Bite: So, this beauty was the third and final cheesy flick of my cheesy flick marathon. Save the best for last?

A group of researchers in Antarctica, led by Dr. Riestad (Busey), stumble upon a giant hole in the ice leading to a breathtakingly beautiful land at the center of the earth.

One slight hiccup.

Dr. Josef Mengele (Johnson) is down there rebuilding the Third Reich and planning to take over the world.

It's just lucky the scientists show up because the Nazis are decomposing by the minute. Mengele could use an extra set of brains to solve the problem...

as well as any available leftover skin.

Tough to Swallow: The Asylum will make doctors out of anyone. This time it's Jake Busey.

The scientists are drilling into the ice and the drill hits metal, which appears to be only an inch or two below the surface.

The funniest CG moment is when the scientists discover the hangar -- the scientists are CG. The worst CG, in my opinion, is the UFO/warplanes shootout, especially the explosions.

The swastika on the back wall of the transplant room is reversed in the shot where Dr. Mengele first touches the face of the soldier.

The swastika on the outside of the castle and the one on the top of the spacecraft are also reversed.

The fancy German signs are out of place.

The credit for Set Decorator is misspelled as Set Decorater.

Something to Chew On: The budget was less than $200,000.

This is Lawson's feature directorial debut. He is also the visual effects supervisor for The Asylum.

The film took fewer than four months to make.

There is a theory that Adolf Hitler ordered a research journey in Antarctica to find an opening into the earth. Admiral Karl Dönitz mentioned "an invisible fortification, in midst of the eternal ice" during the Nuremberg Trials.

Of course, there have been several books about the possibility of Earth's center being hollow.

You'll hear a Wilhelm Scream in the opening scene.

This is the second movie Swain has appeared in that includes the removal of someone's face. Of course, the previous one was the 1997 blockbuster FACE/OFF.

The camera pans across four file folders in Dr. Mengele's organ transplant room. The folders are labeled: 1) Essen Babys, 2) Dreizehn, 3) Ich liebe es, Drogen zu tun and 4) Große Esel, Junge Dame. The fun part is when you translate those labels: 1) Eat babies, 2) Thirteen, 3) I love to do drugs and 4) Big ass, young lady.

I'm not familiar with the PC game "Wolfenstein 3D" (1992), but apparently the story and some characters are similar.

There's a really short scene at the end of the credits.

Aftertaste: Save the best for last, indeed. In my opinion, NAZIS AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH is the most entertaining movie produced by the The Asylum. Granted, counting this one, I've only seen five.

The title will grab you. That's a given. However, it's all the other crazy stuff that will totally engross you. A good portion of it will just gross you... out.

Flesh-eating bacteria? Check. Face transplants? Check. Implied probing? Check. Vaporizing guns? Check. Uncomfortable shower scene? Check. Boobs? Check. Exposed brains? Check. Abortion? Check. Robots? Check. UFOs? Check.

The action doesn't pick up until the final act, but the gore and twisted content more than make up for it. And, when I say twisted, I mean seriously twisted. It's on the verge of being a torture porn flick.

Probably the most chilling moment is when the female scientists are being led to the showers. It's in slow-motion. There's ominous music. And, given the Nazi history involving showers, you know it's probably not going to end well.

Johnson, as Mengele, steals the movie. He's the perfect mix of creepy and evil, and plays it straight. He looks like Ian McKellen or John Hurt, but with a rotting face. He would definitely give Bill Oberst, Jr. (ABRAHAM LINCOLN VS. ZOMBIES) a fight if there were awards for best acting in a low-budget feature.

The rest of the acting is about on par with what you would expect from The Asylum.

I would say the only time the makeup effects don't work is with the "Mark"-face soldier.

Lawson's low-budget wonder and DEAD SNOW would make a great double feature on a cold, winter night.

Overall, I can't think of a way you'd be disappointed if you choose to pop this movie into you DVD player. I feel like I've talked this movie up as much as possible. It's all I can do.

If you don't watch NAZIS AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH, it's no skin off my nose.

Rating:

2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) High Cheese Factor-athon Film #2

On the Menu: 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK (2012)

Ingredients: Carmen Electra, Charlie O'Connell, Brooke Hogan, Geoff Ward, David Gallegos, Corinne Nobili and Shannan Stewart. Directed by Christopher Ray. Run time: 88 minutes. Rated: R.

At First Bite: The B-movie marathon continues with another winner from The Asylum.

Professor Babbish (O'Connell) and his wife (Electra) take a group of eighteen college students on a Semester at Sea trip. Unbeknownst to everyone on board the Sea King, a two-headed shark has damaged the hull.

The professor and students use a dinghy to travel to a nearby deserted atoll in order to look for scrap metal. Then, for some reason, there are earthquakes and the atoll starts sinking.

College students + boats + earthquakes + two-headed shark = lots of blood in the water.

Tough to Swallow: Laura jumps in the water barefoot to repair the hull. When the shark appears she's wearing flippers.

The CGI scenes are ridiculous, but they're nothing compared to the glimpses you get of the man-made shark.

The acting is atrocious.

It doesn't help when you have to read lines like this:
Kirsten: "Ah, the water looks so nice. I just wanna jump in."
Kate: "No! Why do you have to ask so many damn questions?"

We're also supposed to believe O'Connell is a college professor and Electra is a doctor.

Sharks can't roar.

The distance between the Sea King and the atoll is very confusing. Some shots show the ship very far away, so there's no way the students on the atoll could see what was going on when the shark is chasing the speedboats. However, there are times when the ship looks closer to land.

Two guys are in a speedboat and spot something floating in the water nearby. Well, nearby ends up being about 100+ feet away from where they were.

The size of the shark is also all over the place. The survivors can spot the shark by the large fin that's always above the water. When the shot goes underwater to show the shark all of its fins are below the water, and none of the fins are as big as the one seen above water.

How were there any explosions at the end?

The credit for Production Coordinator is misspelled as Production Coordanator.

There are students named Kristen and Kirsten, but both credits are for Kristen.

Something to Chew On: The budget was $1 million.

Ray also directed MEGA SHARK VS. CROCOSAURUS starring Jaleel White.

Apparently, the shark's two heads were originally going to be one on top of the other instead of side-by-side.

Gerald Webb, who played the deckhand named Han, is also credited with casting the movie.

Aftertaste: Oh boy. Well, two girls get naked and make out, so it's got that going for it, I guess.

Seriously, the minimal eye candy is the only redeeming quality, and I'm not counting Brooke Hogan and her man-face. What kept me from giving only a half-star rating were the balls of Mr. Webb. Why? Because when you hear doctor, you think Carmen Electra.

See, this is definitely a drinking-game type movie. Maybe drink every time the shark jumps out of the water, every time the ground shakes, every time someone says 'atoll,' and every time Miss Electra has a line.

It is good to see her running in slow-motion again though.

Stick with what you know.

Rating: 

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012) - High Cheese Factor-athon Film #1

On the Menu: ABRAHAM LINCOLN VS. ZOMBIES (2012)

Ingredients: Bill Oberst, Jr., Baby Norman, Bernie Ask, Jason Hughley, Jason Vail and Don McGraw. Directed by Richard Schenkman. Run time: 96 minutes. Rated: R.

At First Bite: The Asylum makes some really bad movies. You know, drinking-game type movies like MEGA PIRANHA and MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS with "stars" such as Tiffany, Debbie Gibson and Jaleel White. They're also really big on making cheaper versions of blockbusters and slightly changing the titles, e.g., TRANSMORPHERS, PARANORMAL ENTITY and SNAKES ON A TRAIN. Get it?

So, this is The Asylum's mockbuster of ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER.

Meaning, it's essentially the same story, but with zombies.

When Lincoln was younger, his mother was bitten and he had to put her down.

Later, the undead appear during the Civil War and Lincoln recruits a group of men to help him get rid of the threat.

Tough to Swallow: The Secret Service was actually created by Lincoln on the day of his assassination (almost two years after the action in the movie takes place).

If you're going to brief your men before a mission, why not tell them what their opponents will be and how to kill them?

Like cows, zombies sleep standing up and you can walk by them if you're quiet enough not to wake them.

Now, if the above description is what you're shoveling, why walk through a crowd of zombies without them noticing you, then shoot one in the head in order to make your getaway? And, how does a creaking barn door not cause a stir?

Lincoln instructs his men to kill the zombies by gunshot to the head or beheading. However, some die from gunshots to the stomach.

The Union had control of Fort Pulaski (Georgia) before the Battle of Gettysburg started in July 1863.

Stonewall Jackson died on May 10, 1863 in Virginia.

Theodore Roosevelt would have been three months shy of his 5th birthday in July 1863. The film portrays him as a tween or teenager.

Pat Garrett would have been 13 years old, yet appears as a 20-something. Also, he was never a Corporal for the Confederacy.

There's some automobile traffic in the background of the scene where Pinn has run off and Garrett is picking up his gun.

Running away from a train while running on the tracks is not wise.

Two years pass and Lincoln's beard loses its gray.

How do you get infected if a zombie only scratches you?

Something to Chew On: The budget was $150,000.

The film was shot in Savannah, Georgia and at Fort Pulaski.

Schenkman also wrote the screenplay and had a small role as Dr. Malinoff.

I was surprised to find a connection to GUT, which was the last film I reviewed. That connection is Jason Vail. He is the lead actor in GUT and plays John Wilkinson here.

There are bits of famous quotes thrown about and a Shakespearean moment while President Lincoln is praying.

There are 154 people credited as zombies.

Jon Cryer is listed in the "Special Thanks" section of the credits.

Aftertaste: Aside from the historical inaccuracies, sleeping zombies, obviously fake beards and so-so makeup, it's not necessarily a terrible movie. Overall, the acting is mediocre, but Oberst plays Lincoln wonderfully. He's the highlight of the movie, for sure. Oberst's performance is definitely better than president/vampire hunter Benjamin Walker's. Vail definitely has more lines here than in GUT, and he's the better for it. He can be pretty over-the-top, and it's perfect for a period zombie flick.

Perhaps, the best idea was the inclusion of the Wilkinson character and his "victory" in the end. What we know about Lincoln's fateful night at the theatre fits perfectly with where the story takes us.

Hey, it is what it is. I had low expectations and they were achieved. I'm slightly disappointed there were no "Dancing with the Stars"-type actors in the cast though.

Like all movies from The Asylum, it's good for some laughs regardless of how bad it is.

Rating: 

Gut (2012) - Maybe You Can Stomach It

On the Menu: GUT (2012)

Ingredients: Jason Vail, Nicholas Wilder, Sarah Schoofs and Angie Ballaro. Directed by Elias. Run time: 90 minutes. Rated: Not rated.

At First Bite: I received a random email back in November from "Gut Productions" asking if I would like to review their film. I replied back and asked for a screener DVD. Well, it arrived in the mail about a week later, but I never got around to watching it. I feel pretty bad about putting it on the back burner. However, I haven't watched ANYTHING since THE CAMPAIGN, which was the night before the election.

Needless to say, more movies need to be watched in 2013. Starting now.

Tom (Vail) is a family man with a 9-to-5 job. Problem is he seems bored with his life. Cue Dan (Wilder), Tom's goofy best friend since childhood.

Dan comes to possess what might be a snuff film and decides it's just what Tom needs to unwind.

Instead, Tom becomes unhinged.

Tough to Swallow: Not sure there was enough gore to be classified as a horror film.

Nearly every scene cuts or fades to black. I mean, it should definitely be the focus of a drinking game.

The pacing is painfully slow at times, and shots seem to linger too much, especially when nothing is happening.

Vail seems adept at acting with his facial expressions, but his delivery is stale.

The office setting leaves a lot to be desired.

I'm guessing budget constraints kept any police officers from making the cast list. Otherwise, I don't see how you can disappear from work for a day or two and be replaced immediately without someone calling the cops.

The ending will leave you scratching your head... or shaking your head. I didn't sympathize with either lead character because I never felt emotionally connected with them.

Make sure your pets aren't around for the end credits. The music is loud and irritating, and it made my cats freak out. I can't imagine the effect it would have on dogs.

Something to Chew On: This is the second feature film directed by Elias. His first was the 2006 film LovecraCked! The Movie.

Elias also wrote and edited the film. He's also listed as one of the producers.

Several crew members make appearances in the movie.

The budget was under $500,000.

The film was shot entirely on location in New York and New Jersey. Filming lasted approximately 28 days.

It was shot with a Canon EOS 7D (within two weeks of the camera's U.S. street date).

Won Best Feature and Best Special Effects in the 2012 New York City Horror Film Festival.

Producer Anna Ganster is also the director's wife.

Aftertaste: GUT does not depend on dialogue. I know some movie watchers are turned off by those types of films, e.g., CAST AWAY and 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. It doesn't bother me. Less is more, if done properly. The silence in GUT will probably make you bored because the film's pace drags so often. There are far too many scenes with characters issuing blank stares.

The acting is hit-and-miss. Wilder's Dan comes across as a slightly creepy oddball, who might be jealous of his best friend's wife. However, more often than not, Wilder himself comes across as awkward. Vail always appears seething, but struggles with delivering his lines. Schoofs might possibly be the best actor of the group even though she doesn't get as much screen time.

I think some of the best scenes in the movie are the ones portraying the "live" version of the snuff films. I still don't understand how we get that perspective if the DVDs are simply mailed to Dan. How are we privy to the behind-the-scenes stuff?

Now, the most impressive scene has to be Tom's first dream after watching the DVD. It just might be the lone highlight.

The soundtrack is definitely unsettling. I'd say it sets the tone and then some. Seriously though, hit the mute button once the credits start because the music turns into nails on a chalkboard really fast.

It's arguable as to whether or not the ending provides any answers to what transpired the previous 80+ minutes. Personally, I'd like to think the killer isn't an unknown figure and Tom is justified in his final actions. However, that wasn't my thinking while I was watching the movie seeing as how we're not given a concrete reason for us to think otherwise. Unfortunately, by the end, I didn't really care enough either way.

I sat down to watch this with no expectations. I was neither totally disappointed or blown away. This low-budget indie thriller could have benefited from experienced actors, better editing and a more concise script.

That's my GUT reaction.

Rating: 

Hatchet II (2010) - Not Enough Treats

On the Menu: HATCHET II (2010)

Ingredients: Danielle Harris, Tony Todd, Kane Hodder, Parry Shen, Tom Holland, Ed Ackerman, AJ Bowen, R.A. Mihailoff and John Carl Buechler. Directed by Adam Green. Run time: 85 minutes. Rated: Unrated.

At First Bite: I watched HATCHET not long after it came out on DVD. I thought it was pretty decent (3.5 stars) and bought it. Why not watch the sequel then?

Marybeth (Harris) survived the first movie, but her father and brother did not.

She goes to Reverend Zombie (Todd) for help, and he enlists a crew to hunt down Victor Crowley once and for all.

$500 to risk my life hunting a hatchet-wielding killer?

I'll pass, but good luck.

Tough to Swallow: Love seeing Harris in another horror movie, but her acting here is atrocious. Her emotion and delivery don't quite jell. You can tell she's trying really hard, but it's painful to watch.

The first death is pretty silly, as is what happens to Reverend Zombie.

In a flashback, Lena dies, but you see her moving as the scene ends.

The blood spraying is gratuitous.

In the soundtrack portion of the credits, "Courtesy of" appears to be repeated accidentally on the third line of info for the song "Old School."

Something to Chew On: The original was released in 2006. A third film is set to be released sometime in 2013.

In the original, Marybeth was played by Tamara Feldman.

Aside from Hodder (Jason Voorhees in 4 films) and Todd (Candyman), the first film also included Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger). Joshua Leonard (THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT) and Deon Richmond (SCREAM 3) were also in the cast.

Harris appeared in three HALLOWEEN films: HALLOWEEN 4, HALLOWEEN 5 and Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN remake.

Some lines reference Jason Voorhees, the Blair Witch and Leslie Vernon. 

Holland, who plays Bob, wrote and directed CHILD'S PLAY and the original FRIGHT NIGHT.

David Foy plays Chad. In the original, he went uncredited as a hillbilly.

Shawn Ashmore and Emma Bell appear uncredited. They both also starred in FROZEN, which was also directed by Green. Green had to split his shooting schedule for HATCHET II into two parts due to promotional work for FROZEN. Schedule #1 was January 7-13, 2010. Schedule #2 was January 15-February 24. FROZEN hit theaters on February 5, 2010.

The news is on at Jack Cracker's place after he rescues Marybeth. The interviewee is Bell's character from FROZEN. Ashmore appears in an earlier montage as a fisherman.

Ackerman, Hodder, Green, Rileah Vanderbilt and Joe Lynch are all in HATCHET II and FROZEN as well.

Green also wrote and executive produced the film. He has a cameo in the movie as a guy puking.

One hundred and thirty-six gallons of fake blood were used.

A crew member is actually credited as Voodoo Fluffer. What exactly is that?

Aftertaste: Well, it's not as good as its predecessor. The acting, especially from Harris, is shake-your-head bad through most of the movie.

I don't quite understand the reason to go back to the swamp to face Crowley right after you escaped with your life. Yeah, you don't need to retrieve the dead bodies. Just call the police.

But, it's a horror movie. Duh.

I will say the kills progressively get better and more creative throughout the film, but the movie itself isn't really scary. It's bloody, sure. I mean, it rains buckets of blood, but there aren't even any jump scares.

What I enjoy most are the treats of the horror movie references.

However, those won't save this from being just your average splatter flick.

I feel tricked.

Rating:

The Cabin in the Woods (2012) - Spicing Up the Recipe

On the Menu: THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012)

Ingredients: Chris Hemsworth, Kristen Connolly, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Brian White, Amy Acker, Jodelle Ferland and Sigourney Weaver. Directed by Drew Goddard. Run time: 95 minutes. Rated: R.

At First Bite: I thought this was supposed to be out on DVD months ago, but it was released just a few weeks ago. I made sure to grab it when it did.

Curt (Hemsworth) and his friends take a little vacation to the woods. Apparently, his cousin owns a cabin there.

Meanwhile, two technicians (Jenkins and Whitford) in a control room appear to be keeping tabs on the college kids' every move.

Something weird is going on, for sure.

Tough to Swallow: There are a few continuity issues, e.g., a disappearing football here and a disappearing towel there.

I don't quite understand the point of the elaborate "games." Are we to believe the "Ones" are actually watching?

Opening the film with the twist isn't as effective as having the twist more than halfway through.

Something to Chew On: The film had an estimated budget of $30 million. Its worldwide box office totaled just under $66 million.

This is Goddard's directorial debut.

Goddard co-wrote the film with Joss Whedon. Whedon is also one of the film's producers. Goddard was also a writer for Whedon's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel."

There are several horror movie references and homages, including THE EVIL DEAD, HELLRAISER, CUBE, THE SHINING and STEPHEN KING'S IT. A Reaver from Whedon's "Firefly" also makes an appearance.

The theatrical release date of February 5, 2010 was postponed because MGM wanted the film converted to 3D. The 3D release date was to be January 14, 2011, but MGM announced on June 14, 2010 it would be delayed indefinitely due to the studio's financial troubles. MGM filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy five months later. The release date ended up being April 13, 2012.

A tie-in with the PC/Xbox 360 game Left 4 Dead was canceled due to MGM's financial woes, but three of the characters from the game appear in the movie.

Aftertaste: It's difficult to really talk about the movie without spoiling it. Basically, THE CABIN IN THE WOODS is a deconstruction of the horror genre (think BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON or SCREAM or, more recently, TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL). Why do friends always split up rather than stick together? Why does the virgin always survive? The movie answers these questions and more.

Personally, I prefer watching the technicians' side of things. Jenkins and Whitford provide the most interesting characters, by far.

Is the film too clever for its own good? Perhaps. It's not perfect. There are a few WTF moments that might leave you shaking your head. And, it's funnier than it is scary, which doesn't bode well for a horror flick. But, hey, it's the guy's first shot at directing. He did a respectable job.

What I can say is THE CABIN IN THE WOODS is different. It's nice to get away from torture porn and the never-ending list of horror remakes we see each year.

I think it definitely takes the genre and provides a much-needed kick.

Rating:

Foodie (2012) - A True Delicacy

On the Menu: FOODIE (2012)

Ingredients: Nick Karner, David Berberian, Jeff Alguire, Tony Hughes, Meredith Leigh Sause, Tracey Coppedge, Emlee Vassilos, Gilly Conklin, John Jimerson and Alena Koch. Directed by Christopher G. Moore. Run time: 29 minutes. Rated: Not rated.

At First Bite: A friend and former coworker, Christopher Moore, has made some pretty impressive short films in the last few years: HARD STAPLED, BURSTERS, I SEE U and FLUSH WITH FEAR. And, they've progressively gotten better. FOODIE is his latest, and it's making the rounds on the festival circuit.

C-Mo, as I affectionately call him, was my boss back when I worked at a video store while in college. Everyone there knew he would be doing stuff like this eventually. And, we all knew he'd be great at it.

Mueller (Karner) loves food. It's what he lives for, and the culmination of his existence occurs when his co-worker, Chef Lando (Berberian), invites him to attend a top-secret supper club called Kitchen X.

The other attendees include the host chef, Brandon X (Hughes), Teddy (Sause), French Milt (Alguire), Darla (Vassilos), Shannon (Conklin) and the wine aficionados, Beth (Coppedge) and Greg (Jimerson).

First rule of Kitchen X? You do not talk about Kitchen X.

Oops.

Second Helping: Honestly, I've watched the movie about 8 times just to make sure I got my fill. There's more pressure when you're writing a review for someone you know, and you want to give your best effort.

Tough to Swallow: The wine commercial ran a little long for my tastes (about 30 seconds too long). We get the gist of Beth and Greg's obsession with the S&M portion, and there's enough of their crazy left over to see at dinner. Also, I think we should have seen the ad from Mueller's perspective only -- its TV quality makes it stand out from the crispness of the rest of the film.

The quality of audio changes during Mueller's phone conversation with Hannah. It's most notable at the end. Perhaps his last couple lines were added in later because they sound more hollow than the rest.

The cell phone has no service when Mueller answers it.

Mueller's scream can be heard in the dining room, but Greg's scream, a room closer to the dinner guests, goes pretty much unnoticed.

The blood smear on the fridge varies by shot.

The focus is soft here and there.

To me, the introduction to the bathtub scene might have worked better had it been a slow reveal.

I question why Mueller receives the invitation. Food is his life. There isn't a motive for his selection. I'd understand the choice if he had run a competing restaurant out of business, made someone sick, fired someone, etc. It would seem just as easy to create a similar scheme for someone like Shannon Von Vuster, whose ties to food go unmentioned, or blogger Darla, who might have written a bad review.

After multiple viewings, Brandon's accent begins to become unappetizing. I think maybe it was just that the actor repeatedly uses a filler in mid-sentence ("I would like to thank Beth and, uh, Greg for pairing this with their lovely pinot from, uh, Stover Creek.")

Something to Chew On: Moore directed, co-wrote, produced and edited the film. He also shares the credit for visual effects.

The budget was $3,326, which was raised through Kickstarter.

Co-writer and co-producer Eryk Pruitt is also credited as an extra. He is also the owner of the bathtub.

Moore said he came onto the film in August 2011 and worked on pre-production until shooting began in November. Shooting continued into December, and pick-up shots were filmed in January. The first screening was April 28 at the Cape Fear Independent Film Festival.

Exteriors of Kitchen X were shot at The Myers House in Hillsborough, NC.

Brandon's ringtone is the theme from Moore's BURSTERS.

POV shots were influenced by Jonathan Demme's SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. BBC's "Sherlock" inspired some transitions.

Being a STAR WARS geek, I'm sure Moore had something to do with the naming of Chef Lando.

I think there is a nod to FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF as well (when Hannah calls Mueller's name twice on the phone).

FOODIE was nominated for Best Horror at the 2012 Cape Fear Independent Film Festival.

The flick won the Grand Prize award for Best Original Fiction at the 2012 ConCarolinas Short Film Festival.

Don't confuse this film with the 2012 13-minute short called FOODIE directed by Aaron Rudelson.

Check out this clever bit of marketing (1 of 6):

Aftertaste: I feel really awful that it took me nearly a month to get this review out into the world.

Note to self: Make sure you're connected to the internet when typing a full review on your blog. The reason? Because your computer automatically saves your progress if you're connected, and you'll have that backup if your computer decides to freeze. Otherwise, you have to start over from scratch, which, as you can see by the length of this review, is a pain in the rump.

Okay, on to the review. I was really excited to see this film. I would say the horror comedy is my favorite of all genres. Plus, it's a movie where food is front and center, which is perfect for this blog.

The opening title sequence is very impressive. Seriously, it's probably one of my favorite things about the film. It really gets your mouth watering.

The writing is smart. We're introduced to a ridiculous amount of foodie vocabulary, which might as well have been Greek. The one-liners aren't too cheesy and don't feel forced. Credit also goes to the actors. Most of the them seem to deliver their lines with ease. The character of Beth is a little overpowering, but I don't fault Coppedge in her acting. Mueller, on the other hand, is rather bland for a protagonist. As far as the best characters go, French Milt and Chef Lando take the cake.

Camerawork is another plus. My favorite moments include Mueller walking down the hallway, the canted angle shot when Brandon announces dinner is ready, and the low angle shot in the kitchen near the end. I was also very pleased with the editing. The transition from the inside of Mueller's car to the outside of Kitchen X is pretty sweet. Two other transitions I enjoyed are choice cuts on sound, e.g., the clinking of wine glasses --> Hannah and her wine glass, and the thud on the floor --> Mueller opening his eyes.

The inclusion of Darla's "tweet" is a fun touch as well.

I have to say the special effects are awesome considering the budget. Normally, I'm okay with movie blood, but the scene with the cleaver almost made my stomach turn every time. It's rather unsavory. Funnily enough, the only other movie to make me feel similar was RULES OF ATTRACTION, and it was also a scene featuring a bathtub (I almost passed out).

The final shot of the film is, by far, is my favorite thing of all. Just exquisite.

Watching FOODIE reminded me of a little of THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME and the 1995 black comedy THE LAST SUPPER, which would be a nice pairing if you were planning on a movie night. Other enticing double-feature ideas would be DELICATESSEN, PARENTS, EATING RAOUL and RAVENOUS.

Moore's FOODIE might be just around 30 minutes long, but it brings a lot to the table. Sure, it's not perfect, but every film has its gristle.

So, look for this at a film festival near you. If you aren't lucky enough to find a screening, keep up with the film on Facebook or its own website.

And, if you've seen FOODIE and don't agree with me that it's finger lickin' good...

Eat me.

Rating:

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) - It Bites

On the Menu: ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER (2012)

Ingredients: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Rufus Sewell, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Jimmi Simpson, Marton Csokas and Erin Wasson. Directed by Timur Bekmambetov. Run time: 105 minutes. Rated: R.

At First Bite: Seth Grahame-Smith's novel is one of my favorite books of the last five years. I can't say I was shocked to find out there was going to be a movie version, but I was definitely psyched to see it. Without a second thought, I spent the required $15 for the 3D version in an RPX theater (60-ft screen, dual 30K lumen digital projectors and 100,000-watt sound system) for the midnight premiere.

Abraham Lincoln (Walker) turns to vampire hunting after one of the monsters kills his mother.

A vampire hunter named Henry (Cooper) helps Abe and takes him under his wing, and recruits him to kill evil vampires.

Tough to Swallow: The movie is loosely based on the novel. Really loose. So loose, in fact, the only things it really has in common with the book are Abraham Lincoln and vampires.

Jack Barts (Csokas) plays too prominent of a role, and two other baddies have been invented.

Henry's origin story is different (the book's version is awesome) and the truth about him doesn't come out until about an hour into the movie.

Will Johnson (Mackie) is a brand new character and plays a significant role, while several more important characters are missing completely.

Vampires can't kill vampires? Silver? Invisibility?

The second floor balcony of the White House is visible a few times. It wasn't there until the late 1940s.

The most disappointing part was the ending. The movie quits two endings before the book did.

Something to Chew On: Based on the novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, who also wrote the screenplay. Apparently, there were many, many drafts, and another writer came in while Grahame-Smith took time to work on DARK SHADOWS.

Walker beat out Timothy Olyphant, Eric Bana, Adrien Brody, Josh Lucas, Oliver Jackson-Cohen and James D'Arcy for the role of Lincoln.

Tom Hardy had to turn down the role of Lincoln due to scheduling conflicts with THE DARK KNIGHT RISES.

Joaquin Phoenix turned down the role of Henry.

Alan Tudyk, probably one of the bigger names of the cast, appears uncredited as Stephen A. Douglas.

Aftertaste: Man, I was really disappointed with this movie. Would I have enjoyed it more if I hadn't read the novel first? Possibly.

But, then I would have read the book after watching the movie, and still been pissed about the movie.

I kept thinking about how about Benjamin Walker reminded me of Liam Neeson and Eric Bana. I also kept thinking they should have tried to get Nathan Fillion to play Abe. More star power probably would have helped.

The action is decent, but over-the-top, especially in the stampede and train scenes.

Essentially, Bekmambetov took a brilliant mix of history and fiction and tried to turn it into a straight-up action thriller. Ugh. It's so infuriating. This should not have been a summer blockbuster-type film in 3D. It should have been a smart, 2D horror flick released sometime closer to Halloween.

In conclusion, read the book and don't watch the movie.

Or, watch the movie and don't read the book.

Otherwise, you'll be in for a letdown.

It's really like taking a stake to the heart.

Sorry. Just being honest, Abe.

Rating:

Manborg (2011) - ActionFest Buffet 3.0: Plate #5

On the Menu: MANBORG (2011)

Ingredients: Matthew Kennedy, Ludwig Lee, Meredith Sweeney, Conor Sweeney, Adam Brooks, Jeremy Gillespie and Andrea Karr. Directed by Steven Kostanski. Run time: 60 minutes. Rated: Not rated.

At First Bite: The late-night movies at ActionFest are usually the best, e.g., TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL and HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN. So, I made sure to secure a ticket to MANBORG.

A soldier (Kennedy) dies while he and his brother are fighting the evil Draculon (Brooks) and his army. He's brought back to life as a half-man, half-cyborg.

Draculon now rules the world.

Manborg, as he now calls himself, teams up with Mina (Sweeney), Justice (Sweeney) and #1 Man (Lee) to fight Draculon and his Killborgs.

Tough to Swallow: I can't think of anything bad to say, except I wish it were longer than 60 minutes.

Something to Chew On: The budget was an estimated $1,000.

Brooks portrayed both Draculon and Doctor Scorpius.

The director is also credited as playing Assorted Killborgs.

Kyle Hebert is the voice of #1 Man.

Regional premiere at ActionFest 2012.

Won the 2012 Spirit of ActionFest Award.

We were told before the movie to yell "Manborg!" if there should be a technical issue with the projection/sound. Funnily, the following day, people were yelling this when other films had problems or while simply waiting for a film to start.

Raven Banner Entertainment picked up the distribution rights back in February, so hopefully a DVD is on the way soon.

Aftertaste: It would be very easy to confuse MANBORG with a straight-to-VHS flick from the '80s, and for good reason. The filmmakers at Astron-6 make these types of movies for a living. They purposefully made the company name sound like Vestron, which was responsible for EARTH GIRLS ARE EASY, BIG MAN ON CAMPUS, DREAM A LITTLE DREAM and, surprisingly, DIRTY DANCING. A number of Vestron's films haven't been released on DVD despite the library now being owned by Lionsgate.

Anyway...

Here we have a low-budget work of art. It was all filmed in a garage on a green screen. Manborg's costume is made from everyday scraps painted to metallic. Throw in some voice dubbing, some stop-motion animation and some lasers, and it's like you're in nerd heaven.

There's so much involved in this movie, it's difficult to believe it's only an hour long.

The Baron might be the film's best character. He's a baddie with a soft spot for one of his prisoners. He's the comic relief in a movie full of ridiculousness. Of course, having #1 Man's voice dubbed makes him pretty hilarious as well.

Call it a poor man's ROBOCOP. Or a poor man's TERMINATOR. Throw in some TRON and make it a comedy.

Just remember it looks the way it does on purpose.

Rating:

Attack the Block (2011) - February Filmathon Film #2

On the Menu: ATTACK THE BLOCK (2011)

Ingredients: John Boyega, Jodie Whittaker, Alex Esmail, Franz Drameh, Leeon Jones, Simon Howard, Luke Treadaway and Nick Frost. Directed by Joe Cornish. Run time: 88 minutes. Rated: R.

At First Bite: On the back cover of the DVD a reviewer called it "THE GOONIES meets GREMLINS." That's all the reason I needed to watch.

A street gang full of young teens runs rampant in South London. That is, until aliens land in their housing project.

Tough to Swallow: The kids are basically pricks in the beginning, so it's difficult to root for them over the nasty alien creatures.

The British accents might be tough for some to understand, and the street slang (trust, bruv, fam, bare, etc.) won't help. I watched with subtitles, so it wasn't as bad.

A plot point is discovered in the weed room later in the film, but wasn't apparent earlier under the same conditions.

Something to Chew On: Places in the film are named after British sci-fi writers.

The aliens are mostly done with practical effects.

Cornish grew up and lives in South London.

Drameh, who plays Dennis, almost got the lead as Moses. He was also the only member of the gang who had already debuted in film (HEREAFTER, 2010).

Aftertaste: I can't say my expectations were high since I hadn't heard of it until seeing the DVD on the shelf at Blockbuster. The pull quote referencing my favorite film, THE GOONIES, and GREMLINS gave me some hope.

The protagonists aren't as lovable and funny as Mikey, Data, Mouth and Chunk. The creatures are more similar to CRITTERS than GREMLINS. And, the drug use, nasty deaths and language make this flick more suited for adult audiences.

ATTACK THE BLOCK excelled where SUPER 8 failed: creature effects. Practical over CGI is definitely the way to go.

The film is also categorized as a comedy, but doesn't really strive for laughs outside of Frost. Although, the youngest characters, Probs and Mayhem, were funnier.

Overall, I wasn't disappointed. It's an enjoyable sci-fi horror film, bruv.

Trust!

Rating:

Red State (2011) - Tricks and Treats Mini-Marathon

On the Menu: RED STATE (2011)

Ingredients: John Goodman, Melissa Leo, Michael Parks, Michael Angarano, Kyle Gallner, Nicholas Braun, Stephen Root, Marc Blucas, Kevin Pollak and Patrick Fischler. Directed by Kevin Smith. Run time: 88 minutes. Rated: R.

At First Bite: I remember hearing about RED STATE in late 2010, but was totally oblivious to all the drama between Smith and critics during Sundance. So, I had totally forgotten about the movie until it was released on DVD (October 18). It was pretty disappointing not to have been able to see the movie in theaters. Oh well.

Travis (Angarano) and his buddies are three horny teenagers looking for a good time. They find a willing lady through a Craigslist-type website. Unfortunately, things don't go the way the boys had planned. They've stumbled into something bad. Turns out the loonies at the local Five Points Trinity Church (think Westboro Baptist) have been trying to cleanse the town of sinners.

Oh boy.

Tough to Swallow: Maybe it's just me, but if I set up a tryst and arrived to see Melissa Leo step out of a beat-up trailer, I would get back in the car and drive home without thinking twice.

Based on their individual actions, I find it difficult to really label the three boys as friends. They're cowards with no gun skills.

The credit for Special Effects Foreman is misspelled as Special Effects Forman.

Something to Chew On: The budget was an estimated $4 million ($5,000 for special effects). The film made just over $1 million at the box office.

Smith self-distributed the film (SModcast Pictures).

The movie was shot over 25 days with the Red Camera.

A small group from Westboro Baptist Church protested the film at its Sundance premiere. Those protesters were outnumbered by counter-protesters made up of Smith and fans.

Smith invited WBC members to a screening in Kansas City. About 15 members, including leader Fred Phelps's granddaughter Megan Phelps-Roper, showed up to watch the movie. They even brought children. However, they walked out in disgust after 20 minutes.

The soundtrack consists only of songs sung within the film. Six of the eight songs are performed by Parks.

Smith has the final line of the movie. He's a prison inmate (off camera).

The credits are divided into three sections: Sex, Religion and Politics. These ideas basically represent the film's three acts.

Smith mentions in the credits that "[a]lmost this entire cast will return in HIT SOMEBODY. Coming over the boards in 2012."

Production assistant Tim Isenman appears uncredited as Jacob Harlow (news photo).

Apparently, the original ending played out as though the Rapture occurred.

Smith has stated there are 10 hidden jokes/surprises throughout RED STATE.

Aftertaste: I was totally psyched for a Kevin Smith horror flick. Finally, something new. When the original buzz was stirring, I decided against reading about the goings-on, casting, plot, etc. Which is why I didn't know about the Sundance controversy and critic-bashing stories. Honestly, what do I care if Smith is a prick to people in the business? He's not my friend or role model. The guy makes fun movies. The end.

In the beginning, you definitely feel the movie might turn in a HOSTEL direction. You know this isn't going to be a sex romp. The film is categorized as a horror by IMDb.com, which is interesting since it doesn't play as a typical horror movie. There are monsters, but the monsters are realistic. It's scary because, in this day and age, the plot of this film could come to fruition.

I spent a good portion of this movie being pissed. First, it was in reaction to the beliefs and actions of the church members. Then, it was in reaction to Smith for trying to make me sympathize with them. And, finally, it was in reaction to the lack of closure for some of the characters.

Parks and Leo are wonderful at being unlikable. The whole time I was 'praying' they would bite it hard.

Goodman steals the movie though, in my opinion. His character seems to struggle the most with right and wrong.

The chase scenes without the church/compound are intense. And, the switch from psycho-religious horror to straight-up action shootout is cool. Then, Smith goes from action to politics. But, it's during this change when we're given a comical (and ludicrous) explanation for the events that transpired. Personally, I'd rather have seen the original ending.

The movie might seem disjointed, but you can feel Smith wanted to get this stuff off his chest. In that sense, RED STATE reminds me of DOGMA. It feels personal.
It's a polarizing movie, for sure.

Rating:

The Ward (2010) - Tricks and Treats Mini-Marathon

On the Menu: THE WARD (2010)
Ingredients: Amber Heard, Jared Harris, Mamie Gummer, Laura-Leigh, Lyndsy Fonseca, Danielle Panabaker, Sali Sayler and Susanna Burney. Directed by John Carpenter. Run time: 88 minutes. Rated: R.

At First Bite: I purchased this on a whim. I was like, "Wow, Amber Heard. Directed by John Carpenter, huh? Okay." I couldn't remember the last time Carpenter actually directed a movie. A quick IMDb search revealed the answer: 2001. Unfortunately, that film was the ghastly GHOSTS OF MARS (1 star). But, the guy is also responsible for HALLOWEEN, THE THING and BIG TROUBLE LITTLE CHINA, so I took my chances with this one.

Kristen (Heard) is taken to a mental institution where the other residents are being terrorized by a ghost.

Tough to Swallow: Ominous, empty hallway shots are gratuitous for a film that's only 88 minutes in length.

A multi-girl shower scene with only side-boob? Come on. You were working with an R-rating here.

The DVD doesn't have subtitles. Not that it's in a foreign language, but sometimes I like to catch all the dialogue (especially when watching late at night while trying not to wake the wife).

The DVD commentary from Carpenter and Harris doesn't really focus on the movie itself. They talk more about directing and acting in general.

Pretty sure the credit for Taper/Plaster should be Taper/Plasterer.

Something to Chew On: Carpenter is known for composing the music for his own films, but Mark Kilian filled in as composer for this movie. Carpenter also didn't have a writing credit like he normally does.

Carpenter says this is the first film he didn't shoot in Panavision.

The movie was actually shot in an abandoned mental institution.

Gummer is Meryl Streep's daughter. Jared Harris is the son of the late, great Richard Harris.

Aftertaste: It's starts out as an interesting horror/mystery. People start disappearing and Kristen is searching for answers. Carpenter throws in numerous jump scares. Admittedly, I jumped once. I could sense it coming, but the scene was taking so long that I gave up on it. That's when he got me.

Heard reminds me of a blonde Jessica Biel. However, she might actually be a better actress. Problem is they both pick underwhelming movies. The first time I saw Heard was recently in the craptastic DRIVE ANGRY. Maybe THE RUM DIARY will turn things around for her.

The final reveal didn't surprise me at all. I'll admit I was expecting something more sinister. It's really difficult to talk about film comparisons without giving away the ending of THE WARD. You'll feel like you've seen this one before if you're a fan of Mangold, Shyamalan and/or Scorsese.

It's an okay psychological thriller with cheap scares.

Rating:

Insidious (2010) - Tricks and Treats Mini-Marathon

On the Menu: INSIDIOUS (2010)

Ingredients: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Lin Shaye, Barbara Hershey, Ty Simpkins, Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson. Directed by James Wan. Run time: 103 minutes. Rated: PG-13. 

At First Bite: I've had this DVD for a while now, and felt, with Halloween creeping up this weekend, I should finally sit down and enjoy it. I will say I was slightly disappointed when the PG-13 rating popped up before the movie began.

It's a haunted house story, except, as the trailer points out, "It's not the house that's haunted. It's [the] son."

Tough to Swallow: What kid would be sitting on the stairs in a new house and NOT be freaked the f*ck out by a door creaking open by itself? I would have nearly broken my neck running down the stairs two steps at a time.

As he runs from downstairs to the attic, Josh's shirt goes from disheveled to tucked and buttoned (with a tie) in a matter of seconds.

Somehow the porch light blows out, but is back on moments later after Josh closes the front door.

The light switch in Dalton's room changes styles between scenes (switch to dimmer).

Tear streaks on Renai's face change within the scene where Elise gives her explanation of what's happening.

The demon's eyes don't exactly appear as they've been described.

The visualization of the spirit realm is a disappointment. 

Something to Chew On: A chalk drawing of Billy, the puppet from SAW, appears on the blackboard in Josh's class. Names that also appear above the drawing include James Wan, Leslie Borchard (hair stylist) and Yesim Osman (hair stylist).

Whannell, who plays Specs, is also the film's writer.

Joseph Bishara composed the music and was Lipstick-Face Demon.

The old woman was actually played by a man (Philip Friedman).

There's a brief creepy character moment after the credits.

The budget was an estimated $1.5 million. The film grossed over $13 million its opening weekend (nearly $54 million total).

The film was released on April Fools' Day 2011.

Aftertaste: Naturally, the movie is going to draw comparisons to POLTERGEIST. There's no getting around it. Sure, the misplaced books scene isn't as spooky as the chair pyramid in the Tobe Hooper classic, but the tracking shots following Renai through the house set up a lot of creepy moments.

Monsters are scary and all, but giggling specter-children and random ghostly faces popping up out of nowhere are much more unnerving to me. The use of Tiny Tim's "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" in the film is just as unsettling (another track in the closing credits is even more so). That use of music and the slight hokiness of the demon reminded me a lot of JEEPERS CREEPERS, which I thoroughly enjoyed until actually seeing the monster up close.

The visualization of the spirit realm, called The Further, was the major letdown. Meaning, the final third of the flick is pretty lackluster and corny.

I'm a huge fan of the SAW series, but I will say I am surprised that Wan made a decent horror film without any gore. So, there was no reason for me to be worried about that PG-13 label after all. The cinematography, acting and writing are so impressive that you don't miss the blood and guts, which proves you only need well-crafted suspense to make a scary movie, e.g., Robert Wise's THE HAUNTING or THE STRANGERS.

That being said, I prefer this film to PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (2.5 stars).

P.S. I loved that one of the gadgets used by the paranormal geek squad is a tricked-out View-Master.

Rating: