Friday, May 28, 2010

Mega Piranha (2010) - It'sssss... Welllll...

On the Menu: MEGA PIRANHA (2010)
Ingredients: Tiffany, Barry Williams, Paul Logan, Jude Gerard Prest, Jesse Daly and David Labiosa. Directed by Eric Forsberg. Run time: 92 minutes. Rated: R.

At First Bite: In 2009, I watched the trailer for MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS, which is, in my opinion, one of the funniest trailers of all-time. So, when I found out the same production company, The Asylum, was releasing MEGA PIRANHA, I jumped at the chance to see it.

Genetically-modified piranha get loose in Venezuela and attack a ship carrying a U.S. diplomat (played by writer/director Forsberg). Of course, no one is aware of the piranha, so the incident is believed to be an assassination.

Secretary of State Grady (Williams) sends Special Agent Jason Fitch (Logan) to investigate. Scientist Sarah Monroe (Tiffany) is the first to greet Fitch, and tells him she believes her experimental fish escaped and are the culprit behind the tragedy.

Well, the Venezuelan army doesn't believe fish are to blame, so its leader, Colonel Diaz (Labiosa), is continually trying to thwart Fitch and Monroe's efforts (without watching it again I can't tell you the reason why the army is always chasing Fitch).

Anyway, the piranha are "growing exponentially" and will soon find their way to heavy-populated areas and wipe everything out.

How will they be stopped? Nukes?

Tough to Swallow: The editing is poor, and laughable at times. The oddest sequence is when Fitch sneaks out of Diaz's compound; it's a pointless series of wipes showing him crawling, rolling and climbing (he doesn't even need to be sneaking around anyway because he's not a prisoner and no one is keeping him there).

Each cut, locator title and camera movement is super-quick and accompanied by a whooshing sound effect.

A natural dam about 5-feet wide is said to separate the piranha from the rest of the river, but in the previous scene one of the giant piranha jumped out of the water and landed about 15-20 feet away on the shore.

One forced subtitle, translating Spanish from an intercom, reads "Opperation L-23 is a go." Then, there was this forced subtitle:

Apparently, if your phone battery dies, you can suck on it for 2 minutes to recharge it.

The cars change makes and models during the chase scenes. Colonel Diaz and his men are in a black SUV, but at least 4 (maybe 6) different vehicles are used. Fitch's car is represented by at least 3 different cars. Two of the SUVs and one of the cars have California license plates.

If your plan is to genetically alter a fish to make it bigger and more plentiful in order to feed the hungry, why choose piranha?

Something to Chew On: The movie was made to capitalize on PIRANHA 3-D, which had a theatrical release date of April 16, 2010. However, the release of PIRANHA 3-D was delayed; it's said to now be hitting theaters on August 27, 2010.

MEGA PIRANHA premiered on Syfy on April 10, 2010. Check out the audience numbers for this epic. Wow.

The song playing over the closing credits is "Frozen Skies" by Tiffany.

Logan is responsible for all the fight choreography in the movie (Yikes). He is also a stunt driver.

Williams's character is named Bob Grady. Grady... Brady... get it? Note that I made my own Brady reference with the blog pic and title. And, yes, I do know the pork chops and apple sauce (that's swell) reference is to Peter not Greg.

Extras are credited as Belize Background and Background.

In the DVD's making-of featurette, line producer Steve Fiske explains how difficult it was to find actresses in Belize who would do a topless scene. They ended up using two prostitutes at a local whorehouse for a scene that would only be seen on the DVD (you're not going to see nudity on Syfy). Pretty pointless, if you ask me. But, of course, this is the scene where the director's character is prominent.

Fiske also says the budget was around $5 million.

The film currently has a 3.4 user rating on (441 votes).

Sides: The DVD includes a 3-minute blooper reel and a "Making of Mega Piranha" featurette (11:11).

In the featurette, I love when Fitch says, "It was a great script." Come on.

Aftertaste: You have to go into this expecting a crappy B-movie full of unintended laughs. Otherwise, you're going to be very disappointed. This might be the only movie with giant killer piranha that jump into buildings and cause them to explode.

If you're brave enough, I suggest you make it a double-bill and watch MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS, too. I have to say though that the acting, story and effects are marginally better in MSVGO.

Just like in the late '80s, Tiffany can't hold a candle to Debbie Gibson. Sorry, it's Deborah Gibson now. My mistake.

But, the movies are equally awful and funny.

I can't wait to see what's next from The Asylum.

Gibson AND Tiffany together?

Shanice and Antonio Sabato, Jr. battle Mega Lobster?

Or bring back Lorenzo Lamas and pair him with Traci Lords for Mega Clam vs. Giant Crabs.

Please, please, please make that happen, The Asylum.



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